1.12.2008

Contemplation


My stomach feels like it's rubbing itself raw inside right now. I've been trying to contemplate my thoughts and feelings for awhile now and I can't am at a loss. I've been reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning for the last few days and he was talking about inner contemplation and self-examination. It's possible that I just need to read farther, but he didn't seem to answer the questions in my mind right at this moment.

I know I'm not perfect and I'm a sinner like everyone else, so the fact that I'm Christian doesn't make me better than anyone. But what if I know a fellow-Christian is wrong or at least I'm pretty sure? Am I being proud and self-righteous or are my feelings right? How can I ever tell? Can you see why my stomach is eating itself alive right now? It just makes me sick to think about it. I know I am a proud person and sometimes I think everyone is right in my life only to find God saying to me: "You ungrateful turd," like He whispered to Brennan Manning.

I'm trying to get to the point of confirmation or total rejection. If my feelings are confirmed, then should I confront my friend? What if it's too late by then? What if I'm supposed to take my feelings on faith? What is God trying to teach me? It's difficult for me not to let my human emotions get in the way. The problem is, I see my friend acting and talking, and I find myself disagreeing with most of what she is saying, but I feel like I can't say a thing. She's a Christian, but we just don't see things eye to eye. Is one of us wrong? I've found that when I've talked about these things out loud with Christian friends, the result is a lot of yelling and the silent treatment for days. But in the end, it worked out for the best. We are both better people for it. So maybe it is worth the struggle, even if my human emotions are completely in the way. I'm human too after all. We're all ragamuffins. How could I ever confront a friend without allowing the human side of me to get in the way? I am a human after all. Worst than that, I'm a woman. Even I can admit that women let their emotions get in the way. But the more I deny my feelings, the worse the situation gets and I just get more frustrated. I should probably just let it all out now before I blow. Like Hannah would say, "just let it all out, buddy."

1.02.2008

Chihuahua, Mexico

Saturday, December 29, 2007:

I've made it to Chihuahua, Mexico! I started out from Moscow at 2:00am and ran my car into a ditch! Thankfully I got ahold of the Whithams, and they came and got me out of the snow. I found that the highways from Moscow to Guymon were cleared of the snow. I definitely learned my lesson!

The drive was tough, but when the sun finally came up at 7:30 or 7:45, it helped to wake me up. The Albuquerque International Sunport was beautiful. It is surrounded by snow-capped foot hills. I found that it probably would have been quicker and cheaper to just drive from Moscow to El Paso and park my car there. Too late for that though!

Hector picked me up from the airport with his uncle and his friend Jonathan. It was a relief to have Jonathan there because he is very outgoing and funny. It is really great to see these Christian Mexican men. They seem very authentic. We prayed before our meal and our drive. I didn't understand Hector's prayer because he spoke Spanish.

We ate at a Chinese food buffet in El paso, and Jonathan tried really hard to teach me how to use chop sticks. It didn't work, but I'm getting closer. Anyone who has eaten Chinese with me knows it's nearly impossible for me to use chop sticks. We all stuffed ourselves and took our time and the waitress finally kicked us out. We shopped until late and then headed for Chihuahua. At the border we had to stop for me to fill out some paperwork. I don't think they would have vasked for my passport if we didn't say anything. It costs $23 to become legal here in Mexico.

We stopped at some food vendors in a town about 30 minutes south of the border. The quesadillas were delicious! I am scared of eating the food here though because I fear getting sick. I took a picture of the food vendors because it reminded me of some we have in southwest Kansas.

The tile floor in the guest room I'm staying in makes the room freezing, but thankfully there is a heater I can keep on until I go to sleep. My toes are about warmed up now, so it's time for bed!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008:

I am in a town called Casa Grande right now. We came here with Hector's friends to stay at their family's house and celebrate the new year. Everyone here calls Hector by his middle name, which is David. He likes me to call him "Daveed" becaues it makes it seem like I'm trying harder. I think Casa Grande is about 3 hours west of Chihuahua and a little to the north.

Sunday I went to church with Hector. He goes to a church called Iglesia Jerusalen I believe. It it much like Fellowship Bible Church. We sang the song "Crucified" in Spanish and many other songs that I didn't recognize. Hector introduced me to the church and they welcomed me by saying "Bien venidos." Then they had a greeting time, and many of Hector's friends introduced themselves to me. Adrianna was one of his friends that really stuck out because she was so nice to me. I felt very welcome. The whole church seemed like a big family. They had time of thanksgiving in which people could get up and talk. Everyone here is very friendly. Many greet with a kiss on the cheek or a hug and a hand shake. It's almost overwhelming, but the people have made me feel very welcome. When I first met Jonathan, he shook my hand and stuck his cheek in my face, and it took me a little bit to realize what he was doing. I was not aware that they greeted with kisses.

After church Sunday we had dinner with this family (Adrianna and Alejandra's parents) and another family (Gabriel's parents). I have met so many new people that I've had to write all of their names down to remember them. I had quesadillas at the small cafe that we ate at. They were not much different from what I'm used to. After a late lunch, which ir normal for them, we headed for the mall. The mall is much like a mall in Kansas. I bought a sweater because I feel underdressed compared to the girls. Sunday evening and night we went to a square called El Angel. In the middle of the square is a tall column with an angel holding a sword on top. On the tip of the sword is a laser-like light that spins around, which the people joke the mayor placed there to mark his territory. We watched a great water fountain show with lights that were all synchronized along with the water to music. Later we went to a cafe with all of Hector's friends. I had a margarita with tequila that is made in Chihuahua.

Yesterday we left for Casa Grande at about noon. The drive was beautiful because of all the foothills and the sunset behind them. We stopped at a little convenience store/cafe and had a dish called chile colorado. It is a tortilla filled with chunks of pork in red or green sauce with refried beans. It was very good. Sunday night we also had a dish called elote, which means corn. It has corn, chile, cheese (dried like parmisian), lime, and cream. I'm going to learn to make this dish. Last night I met lots of people. We celebrated New Years Eve with singing hymns, eating good food, saying what we are thankful for, prayer, hugs and kisses, and lots of "feliz ano!" We had turkey, mashed potatoes, a dish called relleno (crumbled beef, raisins, and pork), and pozole (soup with beef, lime, white corn, lettuce, and turnips).

I have had a head ache since yesterday. I think I might have the flu.