Mi Debilidad

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
-2 Corinthian 12:9

I could write on this verse daily. It is one of the central paradoxes of Christianity. How can I be strong when I am weak? Most people won't admit to their weaknesses because they know that in American society and in the world, it is the fittest who survive. No one wants to be seen as weak, especially in the world of business and politics. I have had mine own experience with this. When Amy and I won the WSGA elections this spring, when they announced our names, I felt terrible. That is my weakness. I could not take the win. I am not claiming humility. I felt like I had stolen someone's dreams, which I may have. However, the reality is, things like this happen all the time. Someone interviews for a job and they don't get it. Well, someone has to lose. Must the winner feel guilty? Should the interviewee who was awarded the position give it up because he or she feels bad? Of course not, but that does not help them feel better.

Unfortunately, I feel this way a lot of the time, and this weakness is used against me. I am a sucker for people who tell me I am undeserving because I KNOW I'M UNDERSERVING. I don't deserve anything I have. After all, God gave it all to me. I have no control of my life, because God provides everything for me whether I derserve it or not:

Do Not Worry
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?

-Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)

Many people know that I am easy to get at. They try to make me believe I don't deserve this position, but the funny thing is, I know I don't deserve it. So their efforts are pointless. However, just as I receive God's Grace as a free gift with no strings attached, I will accept this gift. I use God's Grace as an opportunity, and I will use this position as an opportunity. Just as God decreed in the parable of the talents, I have made the decision to invest my talents in a greater cause rather than dig a hole and stick my head in it.

"For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him."
-Matthew 25:29 (NIV)

I am also willing to suffer for a greater cause. We learned about Paul at TBC this Sunday. He knew he was to suffer, but he also knew it was for a greater cause, and he did it with joy. This kind of joy only comes from God and His Son:

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" - Philippians 4:4

Immunity

I just recently got engaged to my boyfriend of almost 2 years, and I am very happy. One thing I don't think many people understand is the difficulties and responsibilities that come with a serious relationship. It's definitely worth the struggles, but I do wish that people were more understanding sometimes. I really appreciate those people who still think of me often and have never given up on me. I spent about a year of my life totally consumed with Daniel. He was my only friend that year, but when I came out of my trance, there were a few faithful friends who were still standing there waiting for my return. So to all of you, I thank you, and I love you.

I always thought that when I found my true love I would be immune from heart ache, but what I have found out is that my heart aches even more. It aches for Daniel. Sometimes I miss him so much it hurts. It also hurts when I know I have to make sacrifices. My heart aches for my friends and family. I can't hang out with all of my friends as much as I used to because Daniel is worth the sacrifice. On the other hand, I don't want to be dead to the world. I still love to hang out with my friends, and although I may say no to their invitations part of the time, I really really appreciate it when they still include me. It really hurts me when they don't. When I know I am the only person not invited, as much as it makes me feel like a little girl, it hurts.

I'm not sure if sometimes people assume that I have plans, but the truth of the matter is that I want so badly to just be included. I set aside a lot of my time for Daniel, but sometimes I just go out to him because he is my safe haven when I've had my feelings hurt. He will hold me in his arms as long as it takes while I cry my eyes out. Everyone wants to be included, and NO ONE is immune from feelings of wantonness.